Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
