i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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