My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
