Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
