end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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