no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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