he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
