I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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