My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
