this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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