I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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