So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
