If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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