Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
