Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
