I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
