Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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