thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
