i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
