This house was built for laser tag.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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