Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
