we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
