If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
