Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
