She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
