I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
