Can i not drive my cunt home
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
