then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
