i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize