I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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