you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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