Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
