I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
