and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
