Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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