hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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