:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
