I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
