"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
