I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
