Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
