Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize