Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
