oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
