My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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