woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
