You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
