You can't special order awesome
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have already put on my inside pants.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize