i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
