Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
