First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
