This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
