Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize