Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
