im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
