Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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