I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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