need another drink. this is the easiest way
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
