She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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