It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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