things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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