AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize