it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
