I can text with my tongue
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
