did you get engaged???
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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