Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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