I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
