she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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