It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
